2021.
a year that felt like it was never ending, but here we are at the finish line.
you saw right through me.
taught me lessons that i refused to want to learn.
you ever sit in a room with lots of people and feel like the only one there?
pondering on your own thoughts hoping no one can tell.
scared of what people might think but unable to hide anymore.
trying to mask your emotions but them seeping through every crack.
the feeling.
the feeling of being lost, lost from betrayal of those who you once called loved ones.
letting go of those who were closest to you.
them taking you apart one by one.
taking every memory with them, that you thought would last forever.
but now you long for.
to watch the time past feeling powerless,
stuck in an endless cycle of nothingness.
trying to pick yourself up, but in the midst of doing so breaking yourself down every step of the way.
wishing time would stop, but time waits for no one.
having no one to turn to because the ones that understand you don’t.
trying to put a smile on your face everyday to please the masses, but when exhaust takes over your body it’s hard to wash it away.
like a hard pill to swallow, you hesitate before doing so.
then finally you do it.
you accept the fact that you have to push through and face what you have been running from.
then it works.
it takes the pain away, but only temporarily.
until it comes back, back again.
the motions.
going through the minutiae of life with no desire to continue, but you do.
because you realize at the end of every tunnel there’s light.