Most days I feel nothing.
You can’t imagine how hard it is to get free when the shackles are your Kin folk
The tightest knit family I’ve always been jealous of
The steel locked around my wrists scowls at me.
Says if he is cold I am frigid
The last caveman of the ice age
Preserved in sleet and sickles for eons
I say my blood hasn’t boiled since the last time she left.
And my chest did not warm up when she returned.
My lips are still blue
Fingernails still grey.
I could swallow a glacier like snow cone
Like ice cube
That’s if it does not get stuck to my tongue
Frozen solid with bite marks still lining the tip
Most days I am nothing.
A body way too big for my breath
My lungs are underworked and never paid
Why supply life to a body that can never breathe deeply.
Simply because it is too loud.
Too noticeable
There is a stinging numbness
My dealer calls it the haze,
Say it’ll take about 2 weeks to really settle
Dry mouth is the most normal feeling.
Sandpaper got my tongue.
Tunnels got my vision.
Rain checks got my tears.
Sympathy got I.O.Us I will need a loan for.
I cannot tell you if it is working.
I don’t know the last time I got chills,
just drafts
they weave between my ankles and tease my eyelashes
Serve me the residuals of movement
Of breathing.
Of clarity.
If you or someone you know needs help, please call or text one of these resources!
Georgia Crisis & Access Line (GCAL) – 1-800-715-4225, available 24/7
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-TALK (8255) also offers 24/7 connection with a trained counselor at a local crisis center, or Text “START” to 741-741
The Trevor Project – suicide prevention hotline for LGTBQ youth ages 13-24, Text “Trevor” to 202-304-1200 Thurs.-Fri. (4-8 p.m.) or call (866) 488-7386 – 24/7
