A Note to Readers From Alia: VOX’s advice column is for those of you who don’t know who to turn to when you are curious or confused. Here’s why you can trust me: Growing up the youngest of four girls and two boys, I was the quiet one. But through those years of being silent, I got to observe. I got to notice the mistakes my siblings made and keep note of what not to do. My life motto is: Why follow the path if I know that it leads to destruction? Now, this is not me calling myself perfect, but I can help you do what others forget to do: Learn from your mistakes. I want to answer your questions so you, too, can follow the right path.
If your boyfriend/girlfriend is very close friends with your best friend of the opposite sex, would you be OK with that? In the past, people have questioned if your best friend and your boyfriend/girlfriend talked.
Ask Alia: It honestly depends on if they had a relationship before then. If they did, then it could be just you and you must respect their relationship. If they did not and their relationship just came about, then she of all people needs to know her boundaries. If they’re too close, then your best friend is being disrespectful. Another thing is people, especially men, tend to be ignorant to hints and signs we throw at them. Your partner probably doesn’t even see the problem but the best friend should. Just talk to him/her.
Why do people think that you should save yourself for marriage?
Ask Alia: For many people, saving yourself for marriage is mostly about religion. When it comes to religion, it is believed that sex is a sin unless you are taking part in it with your husband or wife. Sex is a beautiful thing when you share it with a significant other. On the other hand, some people in society today view sex negatively and believe that having many partners is not clean and makes people look bad. Some people abuse sex. They use it to replace something they lack. That is what makes sex negative. Sex is only fulfilling for that time only. At the end of the day, whether you choose to have sex or not is your decision, but go about it carefully. Sex can destroy and you and tear you down. Be wise about who you choose to take part in it with. Always wear protection, and never be afraid to ask questions.
Why do people get into a relationship just to lead someone on? What’s the point?
Ask Alia: A lot of the time, people were raised that way. They were exposed to failed marriages and cheating, causing them to not take relationships seriously. Sometimes, people only want certain things from a specific person, but fear that if they tell that person that, they won’t be able to get it. For example, a person could only be sexually attracted someone, and therefore, only want sex. They won’t tell that person that because of the possibility of them saying no. Therefore, they act as if they are working to gain that person’s trust only to get what they want and leave. My advice is to pay attention to the signs. There are always signs when a person is not serious or is taking you for granted. These signs could be them not wanting to hang out, or they are always trying to talk about sex, or they hide their social media or phones from you. If you pay attention to the signs and choose who you confide in carefully, you will be OK.
Got a question for Alia? Email her at editor@voxatl.org.
Editor’s Note: While Alia’s advice is intended to help other teens, she is not a trained professional and the advice dispensed in Ask Alia is not meant to replace professional help. VOX has a resource guide for many of the challenges teens face. You can find a link to help here.
