steady

six months
of watching through
the window

but it’s hard
to see through my
reflection

the world passes by
i hoped to stop it
in time to say hello
to have a nice
conversation —
to listen to a song
or two.

but apathy blocked
my view.

it just glanced
with its stinging
eyes
that uprooted our
souls
in less than a
second,
and with a
determination,
it killed our dreams
as easily as cotton
candy
melts on your
tongue…
and it ran away.

i kept my breath
steady
for as long
as i could,
for the crashing
waves
smoldering in my
throat
made it too hard
to breathe.

but my burning
lungs
couldn’t resist
catching up with
my electric heart

and soon enough,
before i knew it —
before i could stop
it —
tears rolled down
i drowned in lost
emotion

so why am i still
holding my breath?
i could see my
reflection
it had to be me
i could see it
clear as day
but something was
off.
i watched her blink.
whatever hollow
person
that was staring
back
wasn’t real —
wasn’t me.

i get a glimpse
of her life
i see her talking
i see her laughing
with the world

but it’s not me
i’m not there
i’m here
on the other side
of the mirror

and apathy
is the reflection i
see.