Blessing & Curse

My body aches as he pierces my soul 

Bruised by the blues 

Sanity disregarded piece by piece 

It’s funny because abuse is sometimes

confused with the complexities of predilection

Confessing to caring for the transgression 

That I thought was a blessing 

Though I was never taught the difference of

enchantment versus lust 

Infused with interpretations 

Frame light on the exterior 

Unlighted within the interior 

A canvas artless 

Paintbrush fighting with the darkness at noon  

sometimes I feel lost in the blues 

Lost in the hellos and 

Goodbyes 

And lost by the temptation

that runs through my bones 

Which causes my cold 

body to ache 

My being that has graced upon spaces 

has been lost in the memory of my lovers, brothers, 

mothers, and others 

The memory of my soul is something that a sanctuary 

can’t bring back 

Something that a grandmother’s prayer can only bring back

Once thought I was undiscovered, 

all along I was buried living in sin 

No wonder why I never caught myself 

Breathing

No wonder why I never caught my heart

Beating 

No wonder why I never caught myself healing 

No wonder why I could never hold my cries in 

your arms 

I am a blessing & curse