I do
Not know
How to
Say
This
Or to
Even
Describe
Such a
Notion
Yet I
Yearn
Unrelentingly
To tic

It is
As if
Stopping
My own
Special
Way of
Emotion
Is detrimental

How could
I have
Known

Yet it
Feels
Too far
Gone
To divulge
In such
Greed

The desire
Shall
Become
My downfall
As I
Lust
For the
Unattainable

For I
Am much
Worse
Than
Icarus

I saw
The sun
And
Now
Wish
To set
My own
Wings
Ablaze

Perhaps
The ground
That soaks
Up my blood
Shall be
A kinder
Fate
Than
Your
Stare

Cruel
Is time

I have
Spent
So many
Years
Learning
To stop
To quiet
To behave

And here
I am
Wanting
The opposite
As if
I am
Not loud
Enough
With my
Misery
That I
Inflict
On others

I mean
Look
At my
Writing

How could
They stand
Me
After so
Many years

It feels
As though
A betrayal
Is set in
Place
On both
Ends

I am to
Betray
My self
Or
Society
By
Cracking
Such a
Perfect
Display

How could
You
Look
At me
Once
You view
Who I
Am

So perhaps
My desire
Is laced
With danger
For I am
The epitome
Of cowardice
And
Hypocrisy

I only
Wish
For you
To avert
Your gaze
As I
Indulge

The
Embarrassment
Of your
Eyes
Is far
Too much
For this
Addict

Addicted
To a
Freedom
From
Self inflicted
Chains

A prison
Of
Childlike
Fear
And
Childlike
Innocence

Or rather
Childlike
Ignorance

For what
Is innocence
Other
Than
Ignorance
To the
Meaning
For why
Society
Treats
Me like
A dog

Yet
It
Is
Still
Me
Who chose
This

Who
Chose
To feel
Nothing
At all

Who
Chose
To starve
Myself

Who
Chose
Pain

For

I
Shall always
Choose
What
Makes
You proud
I am
Nothing
But
A broken
Creature
In
Need
Of a
Leash

Those
Tugs
That cut
Deep
Into
My throat
Confining
My breath
Shall
Guide
My lost
Soul

For
There are
No emotions
Left
To follow