I have seen a lot of crazy things happen while I’ve cashiered. As a cashier, you really can’t just say something bothers you, because, as the saying goes: “The customer is always right.”

Right?

Well, sure, but that doesn’t mean that they’re always angelic. So here is a list of some things that some cashiers witness on a regular basis that (secretly) grind my gears. I know I’m not the only one with these problems at the checkout line:

1. Talking on your phone while I’m serving you

Listen, you’ve got a busy life. I get it. You want to tell your best friend all the latest drama with your boyfriend who you suspect is cheating on you. Or maybe you have a crazy costume party with your business buddies and are planning it with your coworker. That’s cute. But can it wait? You’re in line for, what, five minutes tops? What you forget to realize is, I’m here serving you.

2. PDA in the Line

I feel really uncomfortable when couples make out in my line. I want to scream so bad. Why is this okay? Focus on me. (Though not the way you do with your significant other — that would be awkward). Additionally, you’re not paying any attention to me, and it’s holding up my line.

3. Flirting with the cashier

Why is this ever okay? I mean, yes, I’m flattered and all, but my main priority is making sure I get you out of the line so I can talk to people my age. Perhaps you should consider that I’m not here to flirt with people. I’m here to work.

4. Stuffing unwanted items in the magazine pockets

Why are you being so lazy? Our job is hard enough — when you decide to shove that ice cream bar in the nearest crevice you find, thinking no one will ever see it, you’re just causing problems for us later. What you don’t realize is, at the end of the day we have to put all the items that you decide not to buy back on the shelves. And if they are cold items and stay out of the fridge or the freezer too long, they cannot be sold.

5. Commenting on my no tipping badge

I get it. You want to make a funny joke that I don’t get tips. You see my face? This is the face of a boy who doesn’t get tips. I’m not laughing.

6. Comparing prices to other stores

I’m sorry, but I don’t work at Wal-Mart. I really can’t help you if our price for cornslaw is ten cents more expensive than Wal-Mart’s.

7. Harassing the cashier

For whatever reason you feel it is OK to yell at a person serving you, I’m here to tell you it’s not. We don’t do anything to purposely wrong you. We expect the same respect that we give you. Try to be a decent person, because you cussing me out in the line really only makes you look like a fool.

So those are the main things NOT to do in the checkout line. As long as you follow these simple guidelines, you should be crystal. Oh, and by the way, stop joking about “cleanup on aisle x.” No one actually says that. We love seeing you at our store, and we’re always happy to serve you, but please, we deserve a little fair treatment.